It's not the intention but we let it all go.

Last night I fell asleep after realizing I am looking forward to dropping out of college more than I have ever looked forward to anything in my life.
Even if only for a semester, this is the first shot I've ever called for myself. This is what I need and what I want, and I am so ready to be free of everyone that has held me back and pushed me into the corners I never wanted to be in.

I am so happy with everyone in my life now, I truly am.
And can I say something I never thought I would?
I don't miss him. Not one bit.
The only thing I miss is the history. And that's all I was holding on to the whole time I was with him. I miss the inside jokes and the stories, but nothing else. I don't miss our conversations or the tone of his voice or the angle of his chin. I don't miss his arrogance or his attitude. Nothing. Not one thing about him as a person, or about our relationship. I miss the situation I constructed for us in my head, maybe. The happy couple with all the jokes. You know, the lie. Hindsight is 20/20, obviously.

I cannot wait to see you again.
I cannot believe you walked into my life when you did, when I was so happy being alone,
And I've never been more grateful for anything.
I love that I feel like I have so much to learn from you,
I love that I feel so close to you, even 150 miles away.
I love that I can talk to you like I've never talked to anyone.
I love that I look forward to the future again.
I love that I can be free without reserve with you.
I love that I want things I didn't think I wanted anymore.
For the first time I honestly think someone else in this world is really concerned about my well being. And it's so foreign.
All of this is so new, and I cannot imagine letting any of it go.
I've never been happier.
I cannot wait to wake up beside you every morning. To come home to you everyday. To make dinner together and show one another our pasts and presents and futures... even if we are waking up at four am to go to work every morning.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you for seeing the real me. Thank you for accepting me with all of my flaws, with all of my baggage. And thank you for letting me be the little spoon. :)

And the people you loved but you didn't quite know,
THEY'RE THE PLACES THAT YOU WANTED TO GO.